I am Here

Its 11:30 pm.

No, fly me, fly me, far as pole from pole;
Rise Alps between us! and whole oceans roll!
Ah, come not, write not, think not once of me,
Nor share one pang of all I felt for thee

Eloisa to Abelard(Alexander Pope)

Time hangs still from the dull beige roof of an abandoned meeting room much like the last solemn prayer of a graveyard. I am writing after a significant time lapse. Writing, mind you- not borrowing/copy-pasting/illegible garb-ling.

Music is the steady companion. Song after Song passes by and brings to life ..well..Life itself.

Porcupine Tree – Trains

Manic Street Preachers – Door to the River

Dream Theater – Different Strings/Analog kid

All Live. That’s the key word. Live. I am. I feel it. You are not here to witness my coming of Age, the only razor around is a miniature that hangs from a fragile thread around my neck. Its a reminder of what I refuse to be anymore.

No more the constant fear of detachment or severance, no more the anxiety of tomorrow, no more the hesistance of yesterday, no more the uncertainity of the future or the trauma of the past. In a rathe redundant way, what I am trying to tell myself, is that I am Here. And thats what matters.

Without You. Without Your feelings or Your support or Your words or Your inability to Love.

I am saying hello to me. Its a refreshing feeling. Nothing else has changed. Still bi-polar, still stuck at a deadend job(not for long), still fighting the scales, still hating the guts of those  fucked up colleagues-who-can-never-be-friends. Still Me. Arguing, Dreaming, Hating, Loving.


Manic Street Preachers – If you tolerate this your children will be next


~ by iconoplastic on March 2, 2007.

One Response to “I am Here”

  1. Unbreakable. Thats what we become with the circumstances that test us. I am still thinking about the conversation that evening, you have come a long way from there. I always knew You would. you are stronger than you give yourself credit for. No one is worth that kind of pain and longing. No one schez. Definitely not some emotionally immature two pence @#$%hole!! Don’t you see now why his life is so fucked up? I am happy you are not a part of it!
    Take Care

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