Where you at?

Anger. Determined and Undefeatable anger. At the prospect of a doubt-filled of life. At the ironical nothingness of infinite time. At the raging Carpe Diem beat inside my head. At the seemingly fast ascent to the point of no return. If I drank, I would dissolve myself in an urn of Absinthe and blur further the line of existent and assumed insanity. I am ill at ease in this moment and no amount of espousing for measurable success can completely rid me of my chagrin. I am forced to be this hideous, callous creature for the sake of a few perishable pennies? I can’t be one of the hives. I can’t seem to find my exit here. I have registered melodramatic diatribe time and again and I find my existence as vacuous as ever. What am I on about? How many seasons? The change of emotional clime is still ineffectual as hell. Whatever change has occurred, that is. Will I ever make the right choices? Will I gather the courage to walk out of situations so intensely abhorrent? The morrow is on the rise and I am nowhere closer to my resolve of improving myself. I feel a gelatinous blob of past, present and impending mistakes. There you are, walking ghost in a random, blind town. Your eyes open wide like you were on your first trip to Disneyland. Despite all that effort to see, any possibility of vision evades you and you can’t determine the consequence for this condition. You are not blind; you are just stranded in the dark. Would you still press forward despite knowing that such a well constructed oeuvre you labored at will collapse the moment you closed the doors behind you? You sit with an aching head and wrapping all that darkness around you like an outsized stole. Slowly the comfort factor weighs you in and the darkness becomes an easily wearable garb to hide all your faults underneath. I think am beginning to give up on myself.

 

 

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~ by iconoplastic on March 4, 2006.

One Response to “Where you at?”

  1. *hug*?

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