Living Elsewhere

Can you honestly say that you’ve led life to the best of your ability? How much time have you spent pleasing others and confusing yourself with those imprudent attempts? Or.. Are you entirely satisfied with the attempts you’ve made at living? Are they sufficient? Should you have tried a different approach or devised a diverse expedient to Life? Are these people really just phases or are they indicators of the dissolute permanency settling in? With each new workstation, the energy to champion a cause, any cause subsides. Everybody wants to lead and nobody wants to listen. Did they ever learn that leaders have to listen more than talk? 7 strange months. The usual cacophony has now stretched its choral tempo to now accommodate the perfectly discordant octave of plentiful female blabbering surmounting in the hallways of the Gray Bay. I wonder if my acappella will be easily overshadowed by such  disgustingly perfect and rehearsed a piece, as this has come to be. All the coffee and detachment in the world could not account for the wasted hours I have spent at work trying to figure out a new perspective for life. Strangely I loathe it enough for it to inspire me to something better or greater. It’s a distinct form of self-abuse that I hurl quite consciously at myself. There is always something gnawing underneath the calmness that’s my personal space. Its this need to amplify every emotional need and feel the largesse rather than surviving on tiny remnants of sentimental nothings. If you are hurting, you got to hurt enough. If you are loving, you got to love enough. Even pain shouldn’t be compromised on. Whether a savant or a truant, the fact of the matter remains that I find the hole in my life growing larger each day. Its an effort to find people or pages to fill with words or anger- whatever comes first. Incomplete state of being. I stand at a peculiar crossroad now, I wonder what will my choices be. I haven’t loved enough, I haven’t worked enough, I haven’t lived enough and I just might not have died enough either.   

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~ by iconoplastic on February 24, 2006.

2 Responses to “Living Elsewhere”

  1. ;;)

  2. I haven’t lived enough. I haven’t risked enough.

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