Happy VD


 Valentine’s Day i.e.
 
As usual, the moral police is on high alert during such “indecent celebrations of foreign culture” and as luck would have it , I managed to be privy to one such tradition-protection drive in the subcontinent’s Manhattan.
At a local mall (a mediocre thrift store)some euphoric teens discovered the joys of living in the world’s largest democracy. As crowds thronged to devour everything remotely pink and heart-shaped in and around the shop something else was in the pipeline.
A few pygmyesque hirsute men with enough body odor for some serious chemical warfare materialize from nowhere  and start to tear down the Valentine’s Day placard stationed outside the store. Why?, because it offended our well-preserved heritage as Indians. Admittedly, it was odious for me too, not coz one is a culture vulture but purely coz as a fashionista you just can’t appreciate garish fuchsia ribbons on a stark black background. That’s a true style crime and hence I did believe that the storeowner needed to be reprimanded.
Post their tear-the-mall down drive, the said “Activists” proceeded to manhandle local teens scouring for gifts or just browsing items. Once again, I wasn’t exactly against this step either, kids need to be rubbing alcohol on their acne than rubbing against each other and god forbid think of the most heinous three letteres word. Yes, you got  it right. FUN. They shouldn’t be peddling our “izzat” in  a such despicable manner.
Curiosity killed the cat and since I don’t want a feline death I proceed, civilly, to ask our hairy guardians of culture- Why such consummate rage? I am sure there could be moderate ways to demonstrate a difference of opinion.
“This is against our Indian culture, aap hat jaiye Madame(Move away,ma’am)”- he growls with as much deference for a woman as a chauvinist swine can manage even as mentally undressing the woman in front of him.
“Well, so is peeing on the streets but I don’t see such well orchestrated outrage against that”- I proffer
Wo sabh pata nahi, yeh High Command ka order hai”-  he looks visually confused.
Err. Reichstag. For a minute I thought though the Time Machine inside my head worked and that I was in Nazi German.
A wiser and linguistically proficient racketeer offers his unrivalled opinion.”  We don’t believe in show of affection- Its against our customs”.
“Considering the sizeable sum of 2 billion and counting, I doubt that statement of yours”. I manage to utter that even as I consider the possibility of a saffron slap across my visage.
No fortune. Our objects of disaffection realized that the time spent in a rational debate with a juvenile could be prolifically utilized in burning, marauding and ransacking the city in between sporadic spurs of insane sloganeering.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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~ by iconoplastic on February 14, 2006.

4 Responses to “Happy VD”

  1. lets just shoot them all

  2. I love you.:D

  3. hahahaha dat was phunny,wow i wonder what word u used wen u said, people pee on the streets, hahahaha

  4. Nice site

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